all i need.

i woke up from a little nap tonight feeling like i had been run over by a truck at some point in my sleep. i was aching, burning up with feverish feeling, sore throat, the whole works. i called justen. no answer. called my mom. no answer. called my dad. busy busy busy signal.

so i did what any grown up 23 year old would do in my situation. i laid my head back on my big fluffy pillow, grabbed my teddy bear, and cried.

as much as i try to busy myself out of thinking about it, i am wrestling with whether or not i am 'home sick' these days. im definitely over due for a visit. but more than that. in the past month, i have watched 3 of my friends lose a parent. and 2 more who have found out that a parent has cancer. i know that God held the door wide open for me to move to Dayton. but when i consider all the things i am missing with the people who are most important to me, it makes it hard to be obedient. especially when obedience leads me 10 hours away from my family.

kristen reminded me the other day of the verse in Luke that says

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

im not sure how all this ties together. but i know that i feel like crap right now. and i know that there is not much i wouldnt give to be at home, laying on my couch, yelling at my dad to bring me some orange juice and medicine. but in all this. i realize that this time in my life is teaching me how dependent I truly am on the One who knows my need and always provides.

cough cough cough cough. goodnight.