connect.

tonight.was.so.fun.

i am exhausted.
i am dirty & sweaty & probably smell.
i am exhausted.
i am exhausted.
i have been at work since 10am.
but i.am.blessed.

the wednesday night youth service at my church is called "Connect". tonight was my first experience with it & i honestly am so excited for this school year. i feel like God has really been gracing me with the ability to socially exhaust myself & yet continue to desire more relationships. i want to kick myself in the butt sometimes because i feel like i should be meeting more people & doing more with the girls but even in those moments God has been good & given me encouragement when i need it because He knows that i am my own worst critic... which in ministry leads to being my own worst enemy. (or the place where the real enemy knows right where to get me)

at any rate. i truly believe this is going to be a great school year full of growth & relationship building & seeking to figure out more about what a life lived for Jesus looks like.

and tonight i saw a glimpse of it. and it was a pretty sweet glimpse. i love these girls. i love our staff. i love our volunteers. i truly am blessed to be here & doing what i do.


i took this picture during worship tonight:

the kid in the button up shirt is austin. God called him out of sin & into new life at camp this summer. you want to see proof that God is real? meet austin. i am literally moved to tears because i see the reflection of Jesus in the life of this 12 year old boy. pre-camp austin & the austin in this picture are dramatically different because Jesus changed his life. he is different. he is set apart. and i love this picture & couldnt help but take out my cell phone during the middle of worship to take it because i want to remember austin everytime i doubt that Jesus can dramatically change the life of a teenager. in this photo austin is standing next to his 3 best friends. as i took the photo, his 3 best friends are headbanging. and laughing. and bumping each other with their hips. and being 12 year old boys. (whom i love so dearly. these 4 boys are 4 of my favorite students in our ministry. but they are definitely the ephitamy of all that is junior high boy) and all this was happening during a time when the rest of the room is engaged (or at least respectful) of the intimate worship that was taking place. and as i looked over yet again because i was distracted by the 3 of them... i noticed austin. tears streaming down his cheeks. focused. engaged. in the presence of Jesus. SET APART. and so this picture, capturing that moment, helps me realize that i love this "job" that allows me to experience moments like this. sometimes they seem to be few & far between, but really i think its just that i dont take the time to look around & notice what He is doing. because tonight as i look at this picture, i believe that HE is doing something in the lives of teenagers that i could not even imagine. my big dreams for the lives of students are small in comparison to His.

soaking in this moment with Austin tonight made it tangibly worthwhile to be more than a thousand miles away from my family. i am humbled that God pulled me away from what is comfortable & safe to experience this moment with these people in this place. His ways are perfect & i am learning step by step, moment by moment, mistake by mistake that my Abba is faithful & that my Abba is enough.

healer.

the worship song that has been speaking to my heart in a huge way lately has just turned out to be written by a man who has deceived the world & even his own family of his terminal cancer. he performed this song for thousands & thousands of people live & via the web wearing an oxygen mask & telling his story of his terminal cancer & his unwavering belief that God alone was his healer. All of this has come out to be a lie.. an elaborate story for dramatic effect. i am shocked just long enough to realize that i am not better or more holy or more deserving of the love & grace of God than he is.

read about it here:
http://caseydarnell.com/blog/

casey says exactly what i would have said, so ill just point you there instead. please pray that God would continue to use this song & situation for His glory.

faith.

"God honors not wisdom nor personality, but faith. Faith honors God. And God honors faith. God goes wherever faith puts Him. Faith links our impotence to His omnipotence. Doubt delays and often destroys our faith. Faith destroys doubt."
:: Leonard Ravenhill

wake up call.

an excerpt from an article written by francis chan:

" Try to be completely honest with yourself right now.
Is the following true of you?

You passionately love Jesus, but you don’t really want to be like Him. You admire His humility, but you don’t want to be that humble. You think it is beautiful that He washed the feet of the disciples, but that is not exactly the direction your life is headed. You are thankful He was spit upon and abused, but you would never let that happen to you. You praise Him for loving you enough to suffer during His whole time on earth, but you are going to do everything within your power to make sure you enjoy your time down here.

In short: You think He is a great Savior, but not a great role model."

Abba, save me from this becoming reality in my life. Change my circumstances & stretch my comfort zone to put me in positions where I am pushed & challenged to look more like You. Give me a constant awareness of who You are.. who You were while you walked the earth.. and intensify my desire to mimic Your thoughts, Your actions, Your feelings. With all my heart I want to desire YOU with all my heart & experience the life that reflects YOU as the overflow of that desire. I need You to do this in me, help me to figure out what it means to give everything I am to You. Save me from apathy & worldly comfort. Keep me on my toes so that my trust remains in only You.

wordle.

...the most used words in my blog.
interesting. :)