the worship song that has been speaking to my heart in a huge way lately has just turned out to be written by a man who has deceived the world & even his own family of his terminal cancer. he performed this song for thousands & thousands of people live & via the web wearing an oxygen mask & telling his story of his terminal cancer & his unwavering belief that God alone was his healer. All of this has come out to be a lie.. an elaborate story for dramatic effect. i am shocked just long enough to realize that i am not better or more holy or more deserving of the love & grace of God than he is.
read about it here:
http://caseydarnell.com/blog/
casey says exactly what i would have said, so ill just point you there instead. please pray that God would continue to use this song & situation for His glory.
August 20, 2008
August 19, 2008
faith.
"God honors not wisdom nor personality, but faith. Faith honors God. And God honors faith. God goes wherever faith puts Him. Faith links our impotence to His omnipotence. Doubt delays and often destroys our faith. Faith destroys doubt."
:: Leonard Ravenhill
:: Leonard Ravenhill
August 18, 2008
wake up call.
an excerpt from an article written by francis chan:
" Try to be completely honest with yourself right now.
Is the following true of you?
You passionately love Jesus, but you don’t really want to be like Him. You admire His humility, but you don’t want to be that humble. You think it is beautiful that He washed the feet of the disciples, but that is not exactly the direction your life is headed. You are thankful He was spit upon and abused, but you would never let that happen to you. You praise Him for loving you enough to suffer during His whole time on earth, but you are going to do everything within your power to make sure you enjoy your time down here.
In short: You think He is a great Savior, but not a great role model."
Abba, save me from this becoming reality in my life. Change my circumstances & stretch my comfort zone to put me in positions where I am pushed & challenged to look more like You. Give me a constant awareness of who You are.. who You were while you walked the earth.. and intensify my desire to mimic Your thoughts, Your actions, Your feelings. With all my heart I want to desire YOU with all my heart & experience the life that reflects YOU as the overflow of that desire. I need You to do this in me, help me to figure out what it means to give everything I am to You. Save me from apathy & worldly comfort. Keep me on my toes so that my trust remains in only You.
Is the following true of you?
You passionately love Jesus, but you don’t really want to be like Him. You admire His humility, but you don’t want to be that humble. You think it is beautiful that He washed the feet of the disciples, but that is not exactly the direction your life is headed. You are thankful He was spit upon and abused, but you would never let that happen to you. You praise Him for loving you enough to suffer during His whole time on earth, but you are going to do everything within your power to make sure you enjoy your time down here.
In short: You think He is a great Savior, but not a great role model."
Abba, save me from this becoming reality in my life. Change my circumstances & stretch my comfort zone to put me in positions where I am pushed & challenged to look more like You. Give me a constant awareness of who You are.. who You were while you walked the earth.. and intensify my desire to mimic Your thoughts, Your actions, Your feelings. With all my heart I want to desire YOU with all my heart & experience the life that reflects YOU as the overflow of that desire. I need You to do this in me, help me to figure out what it means to give everything I am to You. Save me from apathy & worldly comfort. Keep me on my toes so that my trust remains in only You.
August 11, 2008
baby bubby.
my baby bubby turns 13 today.
he's not such a baby anymore,
but he'll always be baby bubby to me. :)
to be honest, my life had to get pretty jacked up in order for him to be brought into the world. but in hindsight, i wouldnt have it any other way. he's pretty perfect at his role of annoying little brother. he's annoying & he knows exactly how to push my buttons. he's better than me at guitar hero, but he knows that if he doesnt say one nice thing for every 3 negative things he says about my "rockstar skills" ill stop playing with him. he is easily bribed & also forgetful which works to my advantage more often than not. he brings out the 12 year old in me... all it takes is him getting in one really good hit or pushing my buttons a little too far and im screaming for Dad to come and beat him. :) he's got a girlfriend & plays football, basketball & baseball so well that part of me wonders when someone is going to beat the living crap out of him for being so cocky. (im not even just a bias sister on this one...he is legitimately super talented.) he's spoiled & bratty but underneath he has a tender heart & is still the cuddly little 3 year old that loved snuggling with his sissies.
13 years of baby bubbyness.
i miss him & am thankful for my not-so-baby bubby. :)
With Kayson :: October 2004
Summer 2005
Summer 2005
December 2007
(Jess was pregnant with Karson)
Uncle Bubby with Karson March 2008
March 2008
July 2008
he's not such a baby anymore,
but he'll always be baby bubby to me. :)
to be honest, my life had to get pretty jacked up in order for him to be brought into the world. but in hindsight, i wouldnt have it any other way. he's pretty perfect at his role of annoying little brother. he's annoying & he knows exactly how to push my buttons. he's better than me at guitar hero, but he knows that if he doesnt say one nice thing for every 3 negative things he says about my "rockstar skills" ill stop playing with him. he is easily bribed & also forgetful which works to my advantage more often than not. he brings out the 12 year old in me... all it takes is him getting in one really good hit or pushing my buttons a little too far and im screaming for Dad to come and beat him. :) he's got a girlfriend & plays football, basketball & baseball so well that part of me wonders when someone is going to beat the living crap out of him for being so cocky. (im not even just a bias sister on this one...he is legitimately super talented.) he's spoiled & bratty but underneath he has a tender heart & is still the cuddly little 3 year old that loved snuggling with his sissies.
13 years of baby bubbyness.
i miss him & am thankful for my not-so-baby bubby. :)
With Kayson :: October 2004
Summer 2005
Summer 2005
December 2007(Jess was pregnant with Karson)
Uncle Bubby with Karson March 2008
March 2008
July 2008August 7, 2008
quotable.
"Hiddenness makes us vulnerable to sin and thwarts maturity. It breeds compulsive sinning. In contrast, an environment of grace is full of light - not darkness. Grace creates authenticity. Why is that important? Because authenticity melts masks, and reveals our true face."
"We cannot profoundly influence others without maturing. We cannot mature without finding resolution to our sin issues. We cannot find resolution to our sin issues without trusting who God says we are."
--an excerpt from "True Faced"
by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol & John Lynch
"We cannot profoundly influence others without maturing. We cannot mature without finding resolution to our sin issues. We cannot find resolution to our sin issues without trusting who God says we are."
--an excerpt from "True Faced"
by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol & John Lynch
August 5, 2008
inspiration overload.
i cant tell you how many times ive opened my blog in the past few days to write, only to realize that i am overly inspired so much so that each inspiration is fleeting to make way for the next thought or idea or flashback to one of the 6 amazing messages i heard from andy stanley, francis chan, and jared herd last week at big stuf. or thoughts of the way I see God working in the life of my best friend or in the ministry He has blessed me with here. or something ive read that has added to the stockpile in my brain of things i need to unpack & process. even the new songs ive been listening to that have been playing over and over in my heart and forcing me to reevaluate my thinking.
in most recent news, my best friend made it back from her summer long stint serving the people of nicaragua today. although her heart is still with the nica people and she will soon begin preparation to make her more long-term return to what has become her home, i am thrilled that she's back and only a phone call away for awhile and am so encouraged by the way i see God working in her life & heart. i was reading another blog recently and he was talking about his recent mission trip in costa rica where they spent a lot of their time playing in the dirt with these kids who live in extreme poverty, yet from the smiles on their faces seem to have such joy... and now to return to the US where we have more than we could ever need & it is never enough.... how Jesus said "to whom much is given, much is required"... and the quote that has been running through my mind in practical terms of what Jesus said... "We've been given more than dirt, and more than dirt is required." what does that look like? what is the equivalent to playing in the dirt with the poorest children in countries like costa rica & nicaragua in our country where we have been lulled into an apathetic comfort by our lack of need for anything? why do we not ask these questions more and why is it so easy for us to go on a mission trip, serve the least of these, and come back and do nothing? what is it going to take to open our eyes and realize that because we have been given much, so much more is required of us. why do we only go once a year? once every 2 years? why do we do nothing in between mission trips to serve the least of these in our own backyards? why am i so apathetic, selfish, ignorant, and unwilling? im ready to start asking the right questions, and even more so im ready to step out and trust God to use me in whatever way He chooses.
and i listened to this great message at big stuf that andy stanley gave where he must have said a million times "it is direction, not intention, that determines your destination." and putting that in perspective with the way God is stirring my heart in regards to "missions".... i would never say that i dont care about the poor, the homeless, the forgotten.... but my intention means nothing if not accompanied by direction. i have no idea how many more days of life on this earth God is going to allow me to live.... but when im done, what can i look back and say I did with it? if whatever i do for the least of these is what ive done for Jesus.... is it really enough to serve the least of these once a year on a mission trip in another country? yes, its so important to go. but if i believe that sarasota, florida is where im planted... if i spent 95% of my year here, why am i content with staying in my bubble, working 40+ hours a week at my church, taking my already blessed students out for coffee or ice cream or bowling or movies.. and letting my head rest on my pillow every night knowing that i did nothing for those that need it most.
i had no intention of this blog looking like this, but my heart is being squeezed and twisted and molded by the hands of Jesus in this area of what missions look like.... and maybe im way off base... but im definitely seeking out what it means & what truth is. and just in case it sounds like it... i do not believe there is anything wrong with living in this very blessed country, working full time in a church (i do it :), or taking teenagers out for ice cream. however, i cannot convince myself (even though sometimes i might like to try) that doing all these things without them being accompanied by something more is really what i (or Jesus) want my life to look like. ultimately, the goal of my life is that it look more and more like Jesus everyday... and right now i think im missing the mark.
in most recent news, my best friend made it back from her summer long stint serving the people of nicaragua today. although her heart is still with the nica people and she will soon begin preparation to make her more long-term return to what has become her home, i am thrilled that she's back and only a phone call away for awhile and am so encouraged by the way i see God working in her life & heart. i was reading another blog recently and he was talking about his recent mission trip in costa rica where they spent a lot of their time playing in the dirt with these kids who live in extreme poverty, yet from the smiles on their faces seem to have such joy... and now to return to the US where we have more than we could ever need & it is never enough.... how Jesus said "to whom much is given, much is required"... and the quote that has been running through my mind in practical terms of what Jesus said... "We've been given more than dirt, and more than dirt is required." what does that look like? what is the equivalent to playing in the dirt with the poorest children in countries like costa rica & nicaragua in our country where we have been lulled into an apathetic comfort by our lack of need for anything? why do we not ask these questions more and why is it so easy for us to go on a mission trip, serve the least of these, and come back and do nothing? what is it going to take to open our eyes and realize that because we have been given much, so much more is required of us. why do we only go once a year? once every 2 years? why do we do nothing in between mission trips to serve the least of these in our own backyards? why am i so apathetic, selfish, ignorant, and unwilling? im ready to start asking the right questions, and even more so im ready to step out and trust God to use me in whatever way He chooses.
and i listened to this great message at big stuf that andy stanley gave where he must have said a million times "it is direction, not intention, that determines your destination." and putting that in perspective with the way God is stirring my heart in regards to "missions".... i would never say that i dont care about the poor, the homeless, the forgotten.... but my intention means nothing if not accompanied by direction. i have no idea how many more days of life on this earth God is going to allow me to live.... but when im done, what can i look back and say I did with it? if whatever i do for the least of these is what ive done for Jesus.... is it really enough to serve the least of these once a year on a mission trip in another country? yes, its so important to go. but if i believe that sarasota, florida is where im planted... if i spent 95% of my year here, why am i content with staying in my bubble, working 40+ hours a week at my church, taking my already blessed students out for coffee or ice cream or bowling or movies.. and letting my head rest on my pillow every night knowing that i did nothing for those that need it most.
i had no intention of this blog looking like this, but my heart is being squeezed and twisted and molded by the hands of Jesus in this area of what missions look like.... and maybe im way off base... but im definitely seeking out what it means & what truth is. and just in case it sounds like it... i do not believe there is anything wrong with living in this very blessed country, working full time in a church (i do it :), or taking teenagers out for ice cream. however, i cannot convince myself (even though sometimes i might like to try) that doing all these things without them being accompanied by something more is really what i (or Jesus) want my life to look like. ultimately, the goal of my life is that it look more and more like Jesus everyday... and right now i think im missing the mark.
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