bff.

i woke up this morning missing my best friend so much so that my eyes are damp & my heart is heavy this morning.

for those of you that dont know, my best friend kristen is in nicaragua this summer serving as a missionary. i havent seen her since january when i moved from ohio back to missouri, and since she's been in nicaragua for the past 2 months i havent had a real conversation with her since may.

so. i started thinking this morning about kristen & how thankful i am that our friendship has survived the past 6 months. i was thinking about how with any other friend i have i would doubt the probability of our friendship withstanding not only distance, but also inability to talk on a regular basis.

God has truly blessed me with a really great best friend. These are some of the reasons why she is so dear to my heart :)

she has seen me at my best & at my absolute worst and been the same person through it all. she doesnt love me more when im at my best or distance herself when im at my worst.

our friendship can be best defined by the word grace. (the only other relationship i have in my life that can also be defined by that word is my relationship with Jesus. and im pretty sure thats a good sign :) kristen & i have a friendship that was birthed out of an incredible amount of grace, and that has definitely been the recurring theme of our friendship since that time.

she shares her family with me so much so that i feel just as at home with them as i do with my own family. this was such a huge deal to me especially when i lived in ohio for a couple years far away from my own family. her parents & grandmother especially became a very special part of my life from letting us invade their houses anytime with movies & sleepovers & late night conversations... and i even think i will miss them at thanksgiving this year as much as ill miss my own family as i spent the past 2 thanksgivings around bubbe's dining room table.

kristen is the one friend i have who will tell me things i dont want to hear because she knows i need to hear them. this quality is a must in a best friend, and im so thankful that she has it.

and last only because i am now officially late for work & need to get out the door:
as i play back my favorite &/or most meaningful memories of my lifetime, the majority of them are times spent with kristen. we have had so many great moments, great laughs, great cries, late night conversations over chai, road trips, concerts, sleepovers, etc. etc. etc.


love you kristen nicole!

2.5 weeks and counting.

so far ive been in florida for 2.5 weeks. as i sit down to write an update about what my life here has been like, i realize that these 17 days have been so jam packed there is absolutely no possible way i could tell you even most of whats been going on. so instead of giving all the details, ill hit the high points for those of you that are interested.

first of all, the people here have been incredibly warm, welcoming & oh so hospitable. from giving me a place to crash after a 19 hour drive to helping me move into my apartment to inviting me along to so many social functions that i cant even keep my calendar straight already. God has blessed the people at this church with hearts that are authentically hospitable, and I am so thankful.

i spent all last week in West Palm Beach at Centrifuge with the junior high students. honestly, i was a little intimidated and nervous going into it, but it really could not have been a better week. the group of students we took were so great.. very open & receptive to getting to know me and letting me into their lives. so many great conversations, laughs, & memories that i am already cherishing. the other leaders were such an encouragement as well. it was such a blessing to get to know some of the other adults here that love students & be encouraged by their commitment to what God is doing in student ministry.

so far, the student ministry staff has absolutely been blowing me away with how REAL they are. being part of this team of people who are the same at home, at church, out to dinner, wherever they are... to see the way they interact with each other in all their differences yet have this unreal amount of respect & love for each other has been by far one of my favorite things thus far. i saw a glimpse of the way their team functions when i came down to interview, and i can truly say it has only gotten better since moving here and becoming part of them. already i have grown oh so fond of so many of these people & cant believe the way God has blessed the relationships ive made thus far.

God has been breaking my heart for specific students here already. one thing i prayed for when i moved here was that i would be all here, and not waste any time. something i have noticed throughout my life is that when i move i have this month or two period of absolute rough, hard, frustrating adjusting where im unhappy and uncomfortable and having a hard time connecting to people. praise God that this transition has not been that way. 2 weeks into my position here and i can already think of at least 3 girls who God has burdened my heart for & that ive been blessed to get to know and hopefully be able to encourage & challenge & love through tough things they are going through. i am so excited about this ministry God has entrusted me with. please pray with me that i remain humble & fully dependent on Him.. as i know that anything i try to do on my own here is going to fail miserably in terms of kingdom impact.


on a lighter note.

i found a lizard in my bed one of my first nights here.
i slept in the guest bedroom that night.
and have developed even more of a phobia / hatred for them.

i drink starbucks almost everyday.
there are 2 within a mile of me.
Jesus loves me more than you. the beach AND starbucks.

my car is falling apart.
the service engine soon light was on for 2 days then went off.
then tonight my windshield got busted and has to be replaced.
not so great on the bank account. bummer.

i spent all day today at a waterpark in tampa with the students.
and got my first really really bad florida sunburn. it hurts.
AND experienced my first tropical storm. it was scary.


so far, life is sweet here.
not because its easy, but because God is in it.
i miss my family so much it hurts sometimes.
i miss my friends & my old students.
and honestly, i miss being comfortable.
but.
God has been gracious.
and only by His grace can i say that id rather be here than be comfortable. because beyond a shadow of a doubt i am certain that i am exactly where God wants me to be. and that, my sweet blogging friends, is great news.

:) love ya'll.

true faced.

an excerpt from the first page
of a book im reading called "true faced"....

..."our loss of hope has forced us into desperately trying to discover
safety from behind our masks. in a very real sense,
we are all performers. because of sin we've lost confidence
that we will always please our audience, and so we put on a mask.
as an unintended result, no one, not even the
people we love, ever get to see our true face."

sunshine state.

day 2 in the sunshine state & i already feel like ive been here for weeks! after an 18 hour drive that i made straight through (not to mention that i didnt sleep the night before i left) i feel like from the time of my arrival til now has been this amazingly long never ending day.

right as i got outside of tampa, there was a big storm & a tree fell across the highway and i got stuck in stand still traffic for almost an hour. pounding rain, dark clouds, standstill traffic, 17 hours of driving behind me and no sleep for over 48 hours do not make for good memories, i promise.

however, as i finally got going again and drove down the highway into my new home town the rain stopped, the sun came out, and the brightest double rainbow ive ever seen was hovering overhead. God is good & in the midst of frustration & overwhelming emotions it reminded me that God keeps His promises.... that He will be faithful to finish what He started in bringing me here.... that He can be TRUSTED!

i arrived at the house of one of my absolutely precious coworkers where scott & a couple of the students came to greet me and hang out for a bit before i collapsed into bed & fell oh so quickly to sleep. yesterday morning scott & deb & i went to einsteins for bagels & laughter before scott & i headed over to my condo to unload my car. i unpacked all afternoon & then joined the student ministry staff for dinner at a cute little seafood place. we had such a great time & it was refreshing to get to hang out with them outside of an "interview" setting. i am thankful for the way God has made so many of the people ive met here to be such hospitable, welcoming & gracious people. they have gone above & beyond to make me feel at home & loved, which has been such a blessing.

last night was my first night sleeping in my condo. it was kind of weird falling asleep in my own place... alone... and so far from everyone i know. but once i was asleep i was out. i think the lack of sleep & long trip caught up with me, because i didnt wake up til almost noon today! it was good, though, as i feel so refreshed now & spent the afternoon taking my time to get ready & finding a super wal mart to go grab some groceries & other random things i needed. also, the music director at the church called and left a voicemail while i was sleeping saying that he heard i sing, and wanted to know if id be interested in getting involved as a soloist or with the contemporary band for the saturday night service. im not sure how he heard i sing, or even if i want to jump right into it, but it was cool to be thought of & given the opportunity right off the bat!

tonight is a meeting at the church for the leaders that will be attending junior high camp next week. im excited to get to see some of the leaders that i havent seen since i was here interviewing a couple months ago, as well as hear more details as to whats coming next week at camp!

so far, florida is good. there have definitely been moments when i wonder what im doing here... when i feel like i just want to go home where things are comfortable and safe... but they have been fleeting & God has provided encouragement each time ive needed it. i am looking forward to jumping in to work tomorrow & seeing what all God is going to do with my time here.

your prayers are so appreciated as i continue to transition. love ya'll!

change.

"The decision to grow always involves a choice between risk and comfort.
This means that to be a follower of Jesus you must renounce
comfort as the ultimate value of your life."

sometimes i feel like im watching my life play out like a movie. i look back on what the past 5 years of my life have held for me and i almost dont feel like i really lived it. its like someone told me the stories, or showed me the pictures, and im watching myself do all these things & recalling people & conversations but not really identifying with it as if it were once my reality.

and yet other times it is all too real. the emotions, the joy, the excitement, the leaps of faith, the learning & growing. sometimes i think about the heartbreak i experienced and find myself broken again over love that was lost years ago. sometimes i remember things like spring break 2006 and find myself laughing out loud as i remember the great times i had with some of the most precious friends ive ever known. i remember very distinctly the day i moved to ohio. the overwhelming "i cant believe this is happening" fear, excitement, anxiety, & disbelief.... not knowing what or why but being sure of only the fact that i was going exactly where God wanted me.

i believe that all of my experiences, both good and bad, have led up to this. and in the same respect, this move to florida is leading up to ____________? i have been in such a constant state of transition in the past 5 years (ive lived in 7 different places since 2002) that im beginning to view each change as a building block for whatever God has next for me. as much as i treasured my time in St. Louis & absolutely loved the people there, i regret not trying harder to be fully there. part of that was simply because i knew going in that it was temporary. part of it was because adjusting, growing close to people, and then leaving them has become such a common occurrence that its beginning to take a toll on my heart.

and as i move to florida in a few days, i have to find a balance in knowing that realistically, i probably wont be in florida forever. sooner or later, goodbye's will be said and people i will grow to love will yet again cease to be a part of my future. but in the meantime, my prayer is that God would teach my heart to renounce comfort as the ultimate value of my life... so that i can grow in my ability to truly love people without fear. that no matter how short or long my time in florida turns out to be the time spent will be time where i am all there.

change is inevitable.
its not easy. its not all fun.
but i do believe that God-change = GROWTH.
and in the grand scheme of things, it is oh so worthwhile.

word.

no good thing does God withhold
from him who walks with integrity.
psalm 84:11

word.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him."
jeremiah 17:7