where You are, I wanna be
it's Your love that has changed me
I'd give the world, and all it's charms
for a moment in Your arms
better is one day with You
than a thousand elsewhere
a thousand elsewhere....
I still remember what it felt like before You
I'm grateful every day for how things have changed
I'll thank You every way I can
cause my life only began
when I heard You call my name
June 25, 2008
the wee hours of the morning.
June 23, 2008
trust.
be still my soul, the Lord is on your side
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
leave to your God to order & provide
in every change He faithful will remain
be still my soul, your best, your heavenly friend
through thorny way leads to a joyful end.
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
leave to your God to order & provide
in every change He faithful will remain
be still my soul, your best, your heavenly friend
through thorny way leads to a joyful end.
attempting to sit in the silence of the early morning & trust that God is working out each & every detail in His perfect timing.
reminding my heart & mind that throughout every leap of faith in my short 24 years of life He has been faithful to not only work out each & every detail, but also exceeded my expectations in most every situation.
"the Lord is my strength and my shield.
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped."
psalm 28:7
"when i am afraid, i will trust in You."
psalm 56:3
"trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding."
proverbs 3:5
June 18, 2008
tuesday 10.
top 10 albums i could listen to
for the rest of my life and never tire of...
(in no particular order)
Andy Davis - "Thinks of Her"
U2 - "The Joshua Tree"
Brooke Fraser - "Albertine"
Dave Barnes - "Chasing Mississippi"
Jimmy Eat World - "Bleed American"
Rosie Thomas - "If Songs Could be Held"
Over the Rhine - "Drunkards Prayer"
Patty Griffin - "Living With Ghosts"
Need to Breathe - "Daylight"
Gavin DeGraw - "Chariot"
for the rest of my life and never tire of...
(in no particular order)
Andy Davis - "Thinks of Her"
U2 - "The Joshua Tree"
Brooke Fraser - "Albertine"
Dave Barnes - "Chasing Mississippi"
Jimmy Eat World - "Bleed American"
Rosie Thomas - "If Songs Could be Held"
Over the Rhine - "Drunkards Prayer"
Patty Griffin - "Living With Ghosts"
Need to Breathe - "Daylight"
Gavin DeGraw - "Chariot"
June 16, 2008
24.
today i have talked to scott, deb & cliff from my new church in the sunshine state. i am currently overwhelmed with both excitement & anxiety. (i have 1.5 weeks to figure out where im going to be living.) it just dawned on me that ill be spending my 24th year living on the beach. i think im in shock that this is my life.
my 24th summer looks like this:
june 29 - last Sunday in St. Louis
june 30-july 5 - pack up the car & drive to dexter for a week with the fam.
july 6-7 - take 2 days to drive to sarasota.
july 7-13 - move in, unpack, start work.
july 14-19 - Centrifuge jr. high camp in West Palm Beach, FL
july 20-august 1 - back in sarasota
august 2-august 8 - another week of Big Stuf in Daytona Beach, FL
ill be suffering for Jesus this summer as I spend 2 full weeks doing very little more than hanging out on the beach with students. :)
in all seriousness though. please pray that God provides an affordable, furnished apartment & that ill be able to nail down the details SOON so i can stop stressing out.
24 is going to be an interesting but hopefully amazing year.
my 24th summer looks like this:
june 29 - last Sunday in St. Louis
june 30-july 5 - pack up the car & drive to dexter for a week with the fam.
july 6-7 - take 2 days to drive to sarasota.
july 7-13 - move in, unpack, start work.
july 14-19 - Centrifuge jr. high camp in West Palm Beach, FL
july 20-august 1 - back in sarasota
august 2-august 8 - another week of Big Stuf in Daytona Beach, FL
ill be suffering for Jesus this summer as I spend 2 full weeks doing very little more than hanging out on the beach with students. :)
in all seriousness though. please pray that God provides an affordable, furnished apartment & that ill be able to nail down the details SOON so i can stop stressing out.
24 is going to be an interesting but hopefully amazing year.
June 10, 2008
exciting news.
the count downs have begun.
over qdoba tonight jen & i discovered:
i have 5 days left in the office at grace.
i have 10 nights left in my apartment in st. louis.
i have 2 sunday's left at grace.
i will be going to florida for 1 week of camp with high schoolers.
ill be traveling home tomorrow night to dexter for a weekend with my family. then ill be back in st. louis for a week before leaving to drive down to panama city beach with our high school students for a week at big stuf. then ill leave st. louis for good on june 30 to spend a week with my family before driving my car full of stuff down to sarasota & moving into my (non existant at this time) apartment before leaving on july 14th for a week in west palm beach at centrifuge with the junior high students, then ill have my first week in the office at the church in sarasota before leaving for another week at big stuf with their high schoolers. (yes. be jealous. i get 2 weeks at big stuf this summer.)
its going to be a whirlwind of a summer from here on out. im excited, nervous, and overwhelmed. please pray with me that God provides an affordable apartment in a good location and that the process of filling out paperwork, paying deposits, and so on and so forth goes smoothly while doing it all from 1000+ miles away.
over qdoba tonight jen & i discovered:
i have 5 days left in the office at grace.
i have 10 nights left in my apartment in st. louis.
i have 2 sunday's left at grace.
i will be going to florida for 1 week of camp with high schoolers.
ill be traveling home tomorrow night to dexter for a weekend with my family. then ill be back in st. louis for a week before leaving to drive down to panama city beach with our high school students for a week at big stuf. then ill leave st. louis for good on june 30 to spend a week with my family before driving my car full of stuff down to sarasota & moving into my (non existant at this time) apartment before leaving on july 14th for a week in west palm beach at centrifuge with the junior high students, then ill have my first week in the office at the church in sarasota before leaving for another week at big stuf with their high schoolers. (yes. be jealous. i get 2 weeks at big stuf this summer.)
its going to be a whirlwind of a summer from here on out. im excited, nervous, and overwhelmed. please pray with me that God provides an affordable apartment in a good location and that the process of filling out paperwork, paying deposits, and so on and so forth goes smoothly while doing it all from 1000+ miles away.
June 5, 2008
the will of God & temper tantrums.
sometimes God calls loudly.
sometimes He gently whispers.
most often in my life i have been in awe of the way He works. the way He calls me to something and carefully works out the most intricate of details. and i have gone joyfully. i remember so well that feeling of not being able to sleep for nights before moving into my dorm at SBU, before moving my entire life to Ohio, and again before moving my life to St. Louis. staying awake & being almost giddy with excitement of what God was going to do in my life in each of those places.
and He has been faithful.
i look back on my journey since high school & i see how good He has been. to even attempt to explain all the ways God has grown, stretched, challenged, blessed, & encouraged me at each of those stops along the way would be impossible.
so why now, when God has opened another door do i feel like He is having to drag me kicking & screaming to get me where He wants me?
any of you that have known me in the past few years have probably heard me talk about "moving south". talking about how much i would love to live in florida on the beach. how my "perfect job" would be doing discipleship with 6th - 12th grade girls. its eerie how i can look back at my life in the past few years and remember so many specific conversations where those exact words have come out of my mouth.
and here i am. having been offered a job. on the beach. in florida. as director of student ministries for 6th - 12th grade girls.
God has given me the desire of my heart, and now that its here I have found myself clinging to familiarity... family... comfort... safety. this is not who i want to be, and the way that im acting is exactly the way i promised myself i would never be. i have this desire to GO and experience new places & people by LIVING there. i love student ministry & the beach .. and lets face it... combining the 2 would be incredible.
no doubt that God has called me to trust him with my safety... to replace comfort with commitment to going wherever He calls.... to love Him more than i love my family.... to be familiar only with His voice.
i will most likely be moving to florida the first week of July. living a 5 minute drive from the water. serving in a great church, among great people who have already found a special place in my heart. this is an amazing opportunity, and i truly am thankful that God has heard & given me the desires of my heart.
but if you've read this far, i would appreciate your prayers. this truly is one of the hardest things ive done in my short 24 years. losing my grandpa has made me treasure my family so much more. its incredibly hard to swallow the idea of leaving them & moving so far away. missing important things in my sweet little nephews lives. please pray that God would continue to work out all the details... that an affordable & nice apartment would be available. and most importantly, that God would continue to teach my heart to trust Him more than anything or anyone else.
sometimes He gently whispers.
most often in my life i have been in awe of the way He works. the way He calls me to something and carefully works out the most intricate of details. and i have gone joyfully. i remember so well that feeling of not being able to sleep for nights before moving into my dorm at SBU, before moving my entire life to Ohio, and again before moving my life to St. Louis. staying awake & being almost giddy with excitement of what God was going to do in my life in each of those places.
and He has been faithful.
i look back on my journey since high school & i see how good He has been. to even attempt to explain all the ways God has grown, stretched, challenged, blessed, & encouraged me at each of those stops along the way would be impossible.
so why now, when God has opened another door do i feel like He is having to drag me kicking & screaming to get me where He wants me?
any of you that have known me in the past few years have probably heard me talk about "moving south". talking about how much i would love to live in florida on the beach. how my "perfect job" would be doing discipleship with 6th - 12th grade girls. its eerie how i can look back at my life in the past few years and remember so many specific conversations where those exact words have come out of my mouth.
and here i am. having been offered a job. on the beach. in florida. as director of student ministries for 6th - 12th grade girls.
God has given me the desire of my heart, and now that its here I have found myself clinging to familiarity... family... comfort... safety. this is not who i want to be, and the way that im acting is exactly the way i promised myself i would never be. i have this desire to GO and experience new places & people by LIVING there. i love student ministry & the beach .. and lets face it... combining the 2 would be incredible.
no doubt that God has called me to trust him with my safety... to replace comfort with commitment to going wherever He calls.... to love Him more than i love my family.... to be familiar only with His voice.
i will most likely be moving to florida the first week of July. living a 5 minute drive from the water. serving in a great church, among great people who have already found a special place in my heart. this is an amazing opportunity, and i truly am thankful that God has heard & given me the desires of my heart.
but if you've read this far, i would appreciate your prayers. this truly is one of the hardest things ive done in my short 24 years. losing my grandpa has made me treasure my family so much more. its incredibly hard to swallow the idea of leaving them & moving so far away. missing important things in my sweet little nephews lives. please pray that God would continue to work out all the details... that an affordable & nice apartment would be available. and most importantly, that God would continue to teach my heart to trust Him more than anything or anyone else.
June 2, 2008
decisions, decisions, decisions...
im in the midst of attempting to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. ive prayed, cried, prayed, read, asked questions, called old friends, called new friends, called my family, prayed, cried, and prayed some more.
ive come to the realization that this decision is so much deeper than whether or not God is calling me to Florida. it comes down to this question that keeps coming up over & over & over again every single time i think / pray / beg God for answers...
"What do you value?"
it's funny, because it's a question ive made my students answer for years now. i rarely talk about right & wrong with students... we talk about this question of "what do you value?" the thing we hold at the highest value determines our actions. and if we value Jesus, we act like it. if we value Jesus above all else, it shows.
i can recall so many conversations where students have squirmed in their seat sitting across from me when ive asked that question. its not comfortable, and nobody really wants to answer it.
and now, i can relate to that feeling. ive been "squirming in my seat" so to speak for weeks now. "what do you value, Brandi?" ive gotten to the point where i get nervous before i pray about this throughout the day, because i know that God is going to lay that question on my heart of hearts even more each time i ask for an answer.
is God calling me to Florida? honestly, i dont know.
what i do know is that He has potentially opened up a door. a door to this incredible opportunity, at a really great church with really great people. a job description that couldnt be a better fit for me even if i had written it myself.
and yet here i am. only 5 months in to being within 3 hours of my family for the first time in almost 4 years. still trying to grasp the fact that i recently lost my precious grandpa. still not ready to give up once every month or two visits with the most amazing & precious & adorable nephews ever to grace the face of this earth. still enjoying probably a little too much the security of knowing my daddy is only a short 3 hour drive away should anything happen.
these are the things im weighing. the things that are overwhelming my mind and heart as of lately. i absolutely desire to trust God with every detail. (and if i were to move, there would be so many scary, intimidating, overwhelming details...) i desire for my answer to the question of "what do you value?" to be a no brainer. i desire for my answer to be wholeheartedly "i desire Jesus... more than comfort & security, more than my family, more than my sweet nephews... i desire Jesus." because the fact is, God is calling me to GO. go where? im not so sure. but even if the "going" of this season planted me near to family, in Florida, or in another country... i have to ingrain in my mind the incredible importance of being able to answer that question without a doubt in my mind...
what do you value?
ive come to the realization that this decision is so much deeper than whether or not God is calling me to Florida. it comes down to this question that keeps coming up over & over & over again every single time i think / pray / beg God for answers...
"What do you value?"
it's funny, because it's a question ive made my students answer for years now. i rarely talk about right & wrong with students... we talk about this question of "what do you value?" the thing we hold at the highest value determines our actions. and if we value Jesus, we act like it. if we value Jesus above all else, it shows.
i can recall so many conversations where students have squirmed in their seat sitting across from me when ive asked that question. its not comfortable, and nobody really wants to answer it.
and now, i can relate to that feeling. ive been "squirming in my seat" so to speak for weeks now. "what do you value, Brandi?" ive gotten to the point where i get nervous before i pray about this throughout the day, because i know that God is going to lay that question on my heart of hearts even more each time i ask for an answer.
is God calling me to Florida? honestly, i dont know.
what i do know is that He has potentially opened up a door. a door to this incredible opportunity, at a really great church with really great people. a job description that couldnt be a better fit for me even if i had written it myself.
and yet here i am. only 5 months in to being within 3 hours of my family for the first time in almost 4 years. still trying to grasp the fact that i recently lost my precious grandpa. still not ready to give up once every month or two visits with the most amazing & precious & adorable nephews ever to grace the face of this earth. still enjoying probably a little too much the security of knowing my daddy is only a short 3 hour drive away should anything happen.
these are the things im weighing. the things that are overwhelming my mind and heart as of lately. i absolutely desire to trust God with every detail. (and if i were to move, there would be so many scary, intimidating, overwhelming details...) i desire for my answer to the question of "what do you value?" to be a no brainer. i desire for my answer to be wholeheartedly "i desire Jesus... more than comfort & security, more than my family, more than my sweet nephews... i desire Jesus." because the fact is, God is calling me to GO. go where? im not so sure. but even if the "going" of this season planted me near to family, in Florida, or in another country... i have to ingrain in my mind the incredible importance of being able to answer that question without a doubt in my mind...
what do you value?
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