carried to the table.

so there's this story in the Bible about a crippled man named Mephibosheth. the significance of Mephibosheth is that his father was Jonathen, who was BFF with David. and at the time of this story, David was King. so Mephibosheth is this crippled man who was of no use in the culture that they lived in. He even called himself "like a dead dog" in 2 Samuel 9. anyway, King David decides he's going to seek out Mephibosheth and honor him. He has him carried to his table to eat with him. and he tells him that he is going to bless him with his grandfathers inheritance & allow him to always eat at his table.

i know i didnt paraphrase that story very eloquently. but think about it. i know we live in a world where there are a lot of high profile people that do a lot of good things. (mostly for recognition or selfish gain because it makes them feel good & accomplished) but in the culture that they were in when David allowed this crippled man to eat at his table... he was going complete against what their culture said. people who were crippled or handicapped or otherwise not healthy were often left begging on the streets because they were unable to contribute to society. and David had this man carried to his table to sit and eat with him.

if you listen to leeland, you're probably thinking this story sounds familiar. they have a song about it that goes like this:

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

i say all that to say. my heart is echoing this song tonight because i can identify so well with this crippled man who had no hope without the mercy of the King. the feeling of being broken beyond repair. probably feeling a little helpless & hopeless & scared. yet at the same time holding so tightly to the glimmer of hope for wholeness & healing. i am so humbled by the way this story illustrates exactly what God does for us. He sees us in our brokenness & seeks us out anyway to pursue us with his mercy. and when we're in His presence... we are healed. incapable of even noticing that we're broken because we're so consumed with who He is.

Why theology?

Anyone who knows me could tell you that theology & doctrine are a big deal to me. I enjoy talking about it, reading about, listening to other people talk about it, and allowing my brain to digest all the things God allows us to know about Himself. Anyone who knows me could also tell you that I believe reformed theology to be truth & that the study of the sovereignty of God has greatly impacted my life & ministry.

Ive been fortunate in my life to have friendships with some of the most theoligically sound people Ive ever encountered. And although it may come as a shock to some, not all of them were Calvinists! I have been blessed with conversations that have both encouraged & solidified the truth of reformed doctrine in my life. I have also been blessed with conversations that have shaken the very foundation of many of those beliefs. I have been challenged to study more, think more, learn more, question more, read more, seek more, etc. etc. etc.

I read a blog that a friend of mine wrote awhile back where he made a comment about Donald Miller and said "he has a heart as well as a brain... unlike most Calvinists I know." As much as I wanted to be offended, I see that its true. The downfall of reformed doctrine is that there is a tendency to remove emotion & responsibility from ourselves. I pray that God would never allow me to think more than I love. As important as I believe theology to be, I wholeheartedly believe that the study of God is worth nothing if not accompanied by a passionate love for His people. I believe that it is not up to me to determine if someone is "called" or "elect"... in my study of God I see Jesus loving people without discrimination. If my goal is to look as much like Jesus as possible while here on this earth, then my prayer is that as I study, think, question, read, & seek that the outcome would be a girl whose heart breaks for the lost, broken, empty, and hurting. for teenagers who just need someone to love them & point them to Jesus.

Theology is so important. The study of God is one of the most important things we will do in this life. But the desire to study and learn more of who God is should be the result of a heart that loves God first and foremost. And the result of the study of God as He enlightens us to know more about Him should be a heart that is passionate & motivated to love people.

I read this article the other day about Karl Barth (a reformed theologian) that was talking about how he was once asked to sum up the essence of all his theological writings. He responded, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so."

I concur.

quotable.

Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward.
::Thomas Merton

disciple now recap.

in the past few weeks ive almost gotten used to the fast pace, full of concrete, congested city of st. louis. life here is strange, but good.

on thursday i had the opportunity to leave the insanity of my life in this city and drive 3 hours south through a snowstorm toward my small & cozy hometown to spend a weekend doing one of my absolute favorite things in all the world.

disciple now is so near & dear to my heart and of all the disciple nows ive been a part of & led, there is something different about the one at home. the traditions, the faces you can count on seeing year after year, the students who come with expectant hearts. the leadership of our church who work together year after year to pull off this event and make it top notch in every way.

i had a really great weekend.
full of people that i dont see near enough. way too much fun in wal mart with the boys. so many great hugs & conversations with people that have been so influential in my life. being encouraged by ted and his heart for authentic worship. watching bubba & jan sing and then looking around the room and seeing so many faces of the people He used to shape me into this person that i am and am becoming. as much crap as i give dexter, i really couldnt have asked for a better hometown.

and the way God rips our plans out of our hands (especially when he does so by using the giggles & wandering minds of freshman girls) to challenge us to truly seek Him and meet students where they're at... its both frustrating & so so sweet.

praying that the two main themes of this weekend truly penetrated the hearts of my girls. that they are "fearfully & wonderfully made" by a God who is "enthralled by their beauty." and that they would understand that "we know we have come to know God when we obey His commands". that knowing God and obeying God are one in the same. and that we are incapable of both without the grace that Jesus died to give us. and that the costly grace that He freely gives is the motivation for our obedience.

God is good. even in chaos & confusion. even in a room full of giggles & off topic conversations. especially in a room of giggles & off topic conversations. He is so so good.